I’ve arrived somewhere I’ve always dreamed of being. Not in the “I finally made it” type of way, but in a “I’m finally being” type of way. Being an artist. I thought I had to move mountains to be able to sing and make a life from writing my songs and singing on stage but this year has proven that my life is consistently more than that. I went back to my roots of dancing and decided to give myself a chance in the art of acting. I remembered singing in a few musicals growing up and thinking I wasn’t a good enough actor. Even in dance, I found myself stumbling and doubting my abilities although I loved it. What if it wasn’t the fact that I wasn’t good enough but instead the acknowledgement and encouragement to do the thing that I lacked? It took me this long to put the two together.
After reading The Artist’s Way (a book that changed my life) I decided I lacked my own nurturing mentality. If I loved myself enough, where would I take her? What would I help her with? Where would I encourage her? How would I feed her? And by “her” I mean little Stephania, the artist that’s always been there, ready to play. So under the disguise of “maybe this will help me with my stage presence for my solo shows” I took her to her first comedy improv class at WIT and to an Acting a Song class at Theater Lab in DC. I have never laughed so hard and met such open and talented people. The Acting a Song class taught by the incredibly talented human Erin Weaver completely changed my perception of acting and instilled a passion for it I never thought I’d have. Whether it was singing Colors of the Wind on repeat or absorbing the other student’s passion like a sponge, it brought me back to a world I haven’t stepped in or thought I needed in a very long time.
I continued to pursue acting at the Studio Acting Conservatory with a class in Principles of Realism and let me tell you, this class changed me and gave me a high I never thought I’d experience. It taught me more about life in one summer than in 5 years of living. I delved in and decided to take on two roles as Betty from Landscape of the Body and Veronica from The Motherfucker with the Hat. Not only were these completely challenging roles for someone new into acting and the work required (character and scene analysis) kicked my little over-enthusiastic butt, but man, did it stretch me. I learned a lot about the contradictions between self-will and the desperate fear of losing love and stability through Veronica’s eyes of drug addiction. I learned about the lack of identity and overwhelm from loss but still finding courage through Betty’s life in 1970’s New York City crime scene. I was hooked. I took a week’s worth of PTO just to finish learning my lines and get everything right before final scenes.
After coming down from the high of our showcase, and searching desperately for the meaning of my own life after such an intense summer, I looked back at the years and asked myself how the fuck did I get here. At first, it looked to me like I was straying from my music by diving head-first into acting. But the truth is, everything was aligned and my search for clarity led me back, full circle, to the person in smaller shoes in the 8th grade. Acting, learning, dancing, expressing through body and voice strengthened the channel to my songwriting and singing voice. The one that’s deeply influenced by theater. At some point I revisited movies like Singing in the Rain, Funny Girl, The Sound of Music, Hello Dolly!, classics by Pedro Infante, as well as my favorite Disney movies, and realized my songs had a shape. Melodies and words dipped in truth very much created by the piano and my own voice.
Acting gave me the courage and fuel to buy my own professional recording mic, record my vocals at home and comp my own vocals for four different songs in less than a month. The arts are intertwined, and even if focus is split, that energy is eventually returned in kind to the next art form.
In my world, they all belong together — parts of me weaved into a thread in one home.
